Tools of the Trade

01/26/2014

Animals

It’s me again.  Mom took me to puppy socialization class again last night.  Wheezer was not there, he graduated even though he humped too much.  So did Caramel and Laia.  I was the biggest puppy in the class by 15 pounds.  The blue ladies said I was good because I made myself small when I played, so the little puppies would like me.  I wonder why the other puppies are so small I am the biggest puppy in the world.  There was a new puppy this week, Radley.  He was a little Lab mix with a tail that curled up over his back.  He never shut up, YAP, YAP, YAP.  His parents said he was a chicken.  We had chickens at our house, I know a chicken when I see one.  He was a puppy he was not a chicken.

There was also a new puppy Nelson.  His Mom said that was because of Willie Nelson.  I don’t know who that is.  Nelson was fun he was not afraid of me he jumped on my back and we played.  Jasmine was there, too.  She is a Golden Retriever.  I got in trouble because I humped her too much and made her hide behind her Mom’s legs under a chair.  Taffy Two was still there, she grew a lot, like me.  I love Jasmine.  Jasmine does not love me.

photo (13)I want to show you my teeth and my nose.  These are the tools of my trade.  Mom said my trade is destruction and I excel at my trade.  My nose makes me get in trouble.  Last night Dad made fried shrimp it drove me crazy I didn’t get any but I got in trouble for trying to take one.  I had to go in my crate with a bone so Dad could eat in peace whatever that means.  I smelled 10,000 things in one day not my fault.  Mom and Dad say “TAKODA GET DOWN” all the time now I can reach the counter and the table.   I don’t like raw onions.

Today Mom and Dad put me in the truck and we drove and drove.  It was snowing, the truck made me nervous I wanted to stay home.  We went to a place in the mountains I had to be on a leash in the snow too many new smells.  We went into a foreclosure, Mom had to take pictures there.  It was cold and it made me nervous I didn’t like the foreclosure, it did not feel happy.  I thought they would leave me I was scared.  Mom picked me up and put me in the truck I was very glad so I went to sleep.

photo (15)

These teeth are the tools of my trade.  Destruction.  Dad said they are fish hooks, he calls me “Grip.”  Mom said they are needles.  They hurt unless I have an ice cube or a cold bone to gnaw.  Chewing on Mom helps, too but she does not like that.  She said I am a pain in the ass and the hand and the ankle and I like boots but they won’t give me boots.  I eat snow.  Dad got me a toy box made of wood, I chew it on the corners.

Sometimes I get bored.  It has been very cold, I like cold I have thick fur but not this cold.  I have to stay indoors too much and Mom has only walked me once a day instead of two times.  Dad takes me in the truck but the gravel man came with a dump truck for the driveway I was not allowed out he said I might get rocks on my head dangerous.

photo (16)

I got bored I had to do destruction.  Mom and Dad said it could have been worse.  I put my blanket with Dad’s blanket.  I emptied the trash.  I tore up the mail so they don’t have to use the shredder.  I ate part of the magazine so they don’t have to read it.

Even though the cats don’t think I like them, I pulled the stuffing out of their toy so they don’t have to do it.  I like to do destruction it feels good.  I don’t mind helping, it only takes a few minutes I have time.  I have to stop biting I am trying very hard.  Mom and Dad did not bleed this week at all, I heard them say that is good.  Also I am learning to stay DOWN.

Mom and I go to obedience class this week.  I think they will let me do destruction there.

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